


Welcome to Heartbreak

by tinyangl



Category: Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Future Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-01-06
Updated: 2009-01-06
Packaged: 2018-07-14 18:22:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7185053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyangl/pseuds/tinyangl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kame doesn't know how he got to the point that when he turns around all he sees is loneliness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Welcome to Heartbreak

**Author's Note:**

  * For [maya_morning](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=maya_morning).



> Written for maya_morning for my holiday meme! Prompt was [Welcome to Heartbreak.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWPUib3Zi2o) A song that Sarah managed to get stuck in my head after writing this. (I totally recommend it to other people too. :D) (Originally posted [here](http://korette-destiny.livejournal.com/34986.html).)

i. **Verse 1.**

Kame doesn't regret anything in his life, not that he would ever let himself. He worked hard to get where he was, made decisions that _he_ was happy with and got him where he was now. He honestly had no qualms with what he'd done.

Except he doesn't know when he turned around and realized that somehow in the span of five, ten, fifteen years, everyone had all grown up and expanded—wives, children, families. (Husbands, lovers, affairs, pets, houses.) He doesn't know if he wishes he had the same kind of thing himself, or if he just wishes he suddenly doesn't feel so lonely. Kame doesn't let himself think on this for too long.

"Hey, let's go out to drink tonight," Kame invites the others after a shooting of KAT-TUN IV Every1 (the third reincarnation of their previous Cartoon KAT-TUN).

Jin and Koki wave to him from the door as they say that they're going home to their respective families. Junno apologizes, saying he had a tournament to get to that evening—his billiards career having taken off about six years ago. Ueda says that he has to get to bed, he has an early match the next morning—his boxing career having taken off more than eight years ago. And even though Kame looks at Nakamaru with a hint of plea in his eyes—something Kame doesn't do often—Nakamaru apologizes weakly, mumbling something about a date that evening.

Kame suddenly realizes why he doesn't invite them out anymore.

 

ii. **Chorus.**

Kame's nursing a glass in his hands as he sighs, thinking that maybe he's gotten a little to old for this kind of life if he's already wanting to call it quits and just go home after only _one glass_. Kame shakes his head, refusing to think on it and drains the rest of his glass, asking for a refill. The bartender gives him a small smile, doing as he's asked and placing a glass of water to the right of Kame's drink.

Kame gives him a thankful smile before taking another sip of his drink, sighing.

"Kamenashi-kun?" the sudden and surprised voice asks from behind him. Kame turns to see Shige sliding into the stool next to him, eyebrows scrunched together in curiosity.

"Kato-kun," Kame returns, frowning. Last he remembered, Shige had a wife—young too, half Shige's age, something that hadn't been so openly accepted by the public—that he probably had at home waiting for him. "What are you doing here?"

Shige chuckles, ordering his usual with the bartender—Kame wonders what it means that Shige actually _has_ a usual. "I asked you first," he says easily, his drink already in his hands. Shige takes a drink and Kame watches as he swallows, grimacing slightly and then sighing.

"No, you didn't," Kame snorts. "All you said was my name and left it at that."

"It was implied," Shige returns, twirling his straw in his glass. Kame thinks the sound of ice hitting glass has never sounded so entrancing as it does then.

"I never took you as the type to avoid questions." Kame quirks his eyebrows at Shige only laughs lightly, holding up his glass to Kame.

"There are many things you don't know about me, Kamenashi-kun," he replies, a twinge of bitterness in his voice as he turns to stare at a point in front of him. Kame blinks, then exhales.

He doesn't press the issue.

 

iii. **Verse 2.**

Kame doesn't go back the next night—mainly because the next morning told him what a _bad_ idea the last evening had been. But he does show up the night after, and it says something when Kame already expects to see Shige's back facing him as he enters the bar.

The chime of the door alerts Shige, and as soon as Kame enters, Shige's eyes catch his. He raises his already half-empty glass to Kame with a nod and swallows the remaining contents. 

Kame chuckles slightly as he shrugs out of his jacket, hanging it on one of the hooks near the front before sliding into the seat he used the last time. "Already getting started?" he asks after he calls the bartender over, giving his order.

Shige smirks. "Not going to wait for people who show up late to the party." He clinks his glass against Kame's drink that already appeared without giving Kame even enough time to _breathe_.

"Depends when the party starts," Kame points out, taking a sip and sighing.

"I guess mine starts earlier than most," Shige says, chuckling slightly. The edges of his eyes are downcast, Kame notes all of a sudden, and his cheeks are already red from all the alcohol—a red that's spread to the edges of his ears and over his nose. Kame suddenly wonders how _early_ Shige's really talking about.

Another part of him remembers suddenly with clarity the controversy over Shige getting married to his much too young co-star—they'd seemed happy in every interview they'd given though, but Kame knew better than anyone how happiness looked just on the surface.

"You can ask, you know."

Kame blinks at Shige, startled. "What?"

"I do have a wife," Shige mumbles, his head dropping to stare into his newly filled glass like it'll give him all the answers and all the questions and just anything he thinks of.

Swallowing, Kame combs a hand through his hair. "Where is she?" Kame asks, trying to gather his thoughts together.

"Home," Shige replies with ease before taking a sip of his drink.

A beat. "Why aren't you home then?" Kame asks, after gathering much of his courage.

Shige turns to look at him, eyes filled with tears that wouldn't fall. "Because I'm not the one she's waiting for." He gives Kame a crooked and painful smile before cocking his head to the side, raising his glass up to Kame for the third time that night.

Kame stares and can't wipe the sight of Shige's face from his head for the next week (or two—Kame's lost track). A part of him is glad he's never fallen in love for this reason—for that moment when love just stops. He only wishes that he doesn't suddenly feel so lonely when he actually thinks that.

 

iv. **Chorus.**

Kame falls into this routine of meeting Shige at the bar after work every night—no matter how late because more often than not, Shige's sitting at the bar, waiting for him with a filled glass of whatever he drank. So when Shige doesn't show up one evening, Kame feels so awkward sitting there by himself that when the bartender asks him—with this half-smile that looks more tinged with sadness than with glee—if he wants a refill, Kame refuses and leaves the bar without a second glance.

He hops on the train, his thoughts filled with how Shige's suddenly taken up a large part of his life—it's not a proper night until he's sitting with Shige talking about how the sky is blue to whether or not they regret becoming idols. His thoughts turn over in his head as the train lulls him to a slow and steady sleep.

Kame dreams of a life with Shige—not the life they have now, but a strangely domestic life with them living together (or at least that's what Kame figures). They move around in the kitchen, dressed in aprons that have their names emblazoned across the front (Kame thinks it's a bit of a dorky idea, but most of him thinks that it was probably _him_ who had the idea in the first place). Their knees knock against each other as they move from one side to the other, laughing as Shige stumbles and spills some flour onto the floor. Kame continues to laugh until Shige thumbs a streak of flour on his cheek and that just calls for payback to Kame.

They're talking at the dinner table, smiles and laughter behind glasses of water—no need for alcohol in their lives after all—and plates that are piled with home-cooked food (when was the last time Kame had home-cooked food for that matter?) and more laughter that bounces off the walls and echoes in Kame's mind for days on end.

Kame dreams of Shige's breath against his, lips pressed against the others' and hands fumbling through layers of clothes. Shige's mumbling something under his breath and pressed against Kame's skin that Kame can't quite catch, doesn't know if it's really that important. Shige's hand darts underneath Kame's shirt and cold on warm practically burns against his skin—imprints a mark that only Kame can remember. Kame squeezes his eyes shut, trying so hard to keep feeling as alive as he does right now. He gasps, only in the dream, still in the dream, and throws back his head as Shige presses kisses down his throat.

It's only the train jerking to a stop at the end of the line that finally wakes him up. Kame curses as he opens his eyes, realizing that he's far from his stop, _too_ far from his stop. He sighs, shifting in his seat to get comfortable again and waiting for the train to start up again to go back around. He makes sure not to fall asleep, unsure of what he'd see behind his eyes, unsure if it was telling him what he wished for or what he should've had right now.

 

v. **Bridge.**

It's a week before Kame talks to Shige again, a week after Kame's last visit to the bar, a week after his _dream_. So when he picks up his phone to an unknown number—usually a bad idea in Kame's eyes—and finds Shige greeting him on the other end, it takes all of Kame's willpower not to hang up and pretend he hadn't heard Shige at all.

"Hey, Kamenashi-kun. I asked Yamashita-kun for your number. I hope you don't mind," Shige says with ease.

Kame closes his eyes, exhales, combs a hand through his hair before responding. "It's no problem, Kato-kun."

Shige chuckles on the other end. "I thought I told you to call me Shige."

"And I told you to call me Kame. See how well we follow orders," Kame jokes, heart thumping harshly in his chest. He's not sure why he's suddenly so nervous—no, he knows exactly why, but he doesn't know why he's taking his dream so seriously all of a sudden.

"I haven't seen you lately," Shige says; Kame can just imagine the frown on his lips as he does so.

Kame chuckles awkwardly. "Early mornings, gotta get my beauty sleep. You know how it is."

Shige laughs. "That's too bad! I miss having someone to talk to at the bar. It's kinda silly sitting there by myself just drinking."

"Haven't you been doing that for ages before?" Kame points out.

"And I felt silly back then. Nothing's changed." Kame can see Shige's crooked smile at this and somehow, that makes Kame's resolve break. He licks his lips.

"I don't know," Kame fumbles, trying to focus on an invisible speck in front of him that refuses to move, no matter how much he bats at the air.

Shige pauses on the other line. "Kamenashi-kun, did something happen? Did I do something?" There's a twinge of confusion in his voice that Kame doesn't blame him for having—Kame's a little confused himself.

"No, no you didn't," Kame finally says honestly—because it's the truth. It's all Kame, his paranoia, his confusion. He exhales. "I don't think I'll be going to the bar again." He tries to chuckle, but he wonders if it sounds as fake to Shige as it does to his own ears. "Too much alcohol, probably was a bad idea to go as often as I was."

"Oh," Shige says on the other line, voice catching. "Er. Okay, well, that's too bad, Kamenashi-kun. I was enjoying talking with you."

Kame licks his lips. "Yeah, to me too." There's a pause of awkward silence that makes Kame shut his eyes and exhale. "Listen, I have to get back to work. I'll, um. Later."

"Bye, Kamenashi-kun." Shige's voice is softer than Kame ever remembers. The ring tone echoes in his ear for another minute before Kame shuts his cell phone, his eyes catching his other members' eyes.

"What?" Kame snaps.

Jin gives him a soft smile, slightly sad. "Nothing," he says. A part of Kame wants him to expand on that, but he stamps down the desire and tells them that they should get back to work.

 

vi. **Verse 3.**

It's a couple of weeks before Kame suddenly realizes that all he's been doing is working, going home, sleeping, and then repeating the same thing the next day and then the next. Kame is at home, a bottle of beer in his hands and the imprint of his ass on his couch getting more and more defined. He feels really pathetic at this moment—lonely and craving for human interaction other than the usual people he worked with.

It's not as though staying away from Shige helped much of anything anyway. Kame still dreams of a life together with Shige, every night a possible scene of their life together—they range from something simple like just sitting down and fighting over the remote, to actual intimate scenes that Kame almost feels embarrassed for looking in on.

Each night though, the image of Shige gets fuzzier and fuzzier—like Kame's forgetting what Shige's like, what'd he say. Or maybe just the little stuff like the quirk of Shige's smile, the twinkle in his eye when Kame says something funny.

Kame curses himself in his head as he gets up off the couch, pulling on his jacket—thankful that he hadn't changed as soon as he'd gotten home. Without another thought, Kame makes his way to the bar at 1 in the morning, hoping that Shige will still be there, at the same time hoping that he _won't_ be there.

He swings open the door and the bell chimes like it's always done before, and Kame sees a familiar back to him. Shige's talking animatedly to the bartender whose eyes quirk upwards when he sees Kame walk through the door.

The bartender nods in his direction and Kame freezes in his spot as Shige turns around slowly, his eyes meeting Kame's. Kame licks his lips as Shige's eyes light up with recognition, beaming as he stumbles off the stool and into Kame's arms.

"Kamenashi-kun!" Shige says bubbly, breath reeking of alcohol. "I didn't think I'd ever see you here again."

Kame chuckles awkwardly, leading Shige back to his seat and shouldering most of Shige's weight. "I didn't think I'd come back again," Kame says honestly.

Shige beams at him brightly, raising his glass to Kame. "A toast to Kame's return!"

Kame stares. "Haven't you drank enough already?"

"Never," Shige says with a chortle. "Not until after the divorce is finalized."

"What?" Kame starts, half choking around the sip he'd just taken. The alcohol burns twice as much on the way down.

Shige tilts his head to the side. "I didn't get to tell you, huh?" He laughs loudly. "I'm getting a divorce. Me. A Johnny's boy. Who thought something like this would ever happen."

"I—" Kame swallows hard. "But why?"

"I told you, didn't I, Kamenashi-kun? I wasn't the one she was waiting for at home." Shige throws back his head and Kame suddenly gets very vivid images of him kissing a line down his throat; Kame blinks.

"Oh."

Shige smiles at him, even his eyes are glimmering at this point. Kame wonders if he has enough self-restraint not to take Shige right now and just do what he's been dreaming of for _weeks_. Kame licks his lips. "So—" he starts.

Shige yawns exaggeratedly cutting Kame off completely, throwing his hand over his mouth and then stumbling off the stool. His other hand tugs on Kame's arm and he leans into Kame's grasp. " _Ne_ ," he murmurs. "Can I crash at your place? I think it's too late to go to Koyama's. His family's probably already asleep."

Kame's eyebrows furrow. "So why were you here so late?"

Shige chuckles, looking up at Kame. "Out of hope."

A beat before Kame gives Shige a shaky smile, hoping that with how close Shige is, he can't feel the pounding of Kame's heart. "Sure. You can crash at my place." Shige beams up at him and Kame thinks he had no real self-restraint to begin with.

 

vii. **Chorus.**

Of course they don't come together easily; it's not that Kame _likes_ to complicate things, it's just that he thinks everything through—almost everything anyway. Shige has to go through his divorce first before he officially moves into Kame's (he'd only been crashing—not living), before Kame even thinks to make a move on Shige.

It's the second after Shige gets the phone call from his lawyer saying that he's a divorcee that Kame turns to Shige and presses his lips against his. When Kame pulls back, Shige sighs and shakes his head. "Took you long enough, you know."

Kame frowns. "Shut up, you weren't single till just now."

Quirking an eyebrow, Shige chuckles. "The things you focus on."

"The things you _don't_ ," Kame retorts, eyes burning a hole into the television in front of them. Shige leans against Kame's shoulder, a faint smile pressed against his shirt. Kame thinks suddenly that it's better late than never. He smiles again, his fingers tangling with Shige's.


End file.
